Kitchen Talk
by KaeoticNeutrael
Summary: Goku is stealing everyone elses food, what will the others do? Silliness and alien abductions ensues. Kind of PWP and rated mostly for language...I think...yeah.


**Kae-chan**: Ohayo! This is my very first Saiyuki fic --hops up and down-- I should really probably continue my other gundam wing one...but I just have no inspiration, at all grumbles which literally friggin blows. So...onwards...to the west! --giggles maniacally to herself--

**Goku**: --paints BAKA on a huge sign pointing to Kae-chan-- Enjoy! ­pity her, please

-----------------------------------------------

A cloud of steam gushed out the open bathroom door, slowly dissipating into the hallway as the figure of a god emerged. From his golden hair and gleaming skin to the chiseled body encased in a sleeveless leather turtle neck there was no doubt this was Genjo Sanzo in all his droopy eyed buddha glory. Stretching slowly so that every muscle in his gorgeous body had a turn he toweled the remaining moisture from those golden locks and proceeded to pull on his arm warmers, twisting the metal rings in place and straightening the leather.

Softly padding down the hall he pulled the rest of his outfit on, settling the scripture comfortably in place while listening to his sandals tap on the floor boards. He paused in front of a door, peering into the room of his fellow travelers before stepping away and humming to himself. This morning was a good morning he mused while plucking a Marlboro from the pack and lighting it up, now it was a great morning. It would become an excellent morning as soon as he dug out that left over yakisoba the nice lady who owned this house had made them last night. Turning the corner he headed right to the kitchen and opened the fridge, rummaging around for a few minutes. Closing the door he paused and leaned against the table, hand over his face and sucking maniacally at his cigarette. Lighting another cigarette he went just once more through the whole kitchen, aggravation rooting deeper as his search turned up absolutely nothing. Vein twitching he howled out his anger and turned violently to the stairway. A certain someone was definitely going to die this morning.

-----------------------------------------------

Ocher rays of light seeped through the window slats falling upon the bodies of three youths, each currently on some level of sleep. Just enough light entered the room to dramatize each of the figures features, which ranged from strikingly scarlet hair to well defined torsos. Of course in the case of these particular youths a perfect scene of serenity was always just a little out of reach...

"Bakasaru!!!!!! Kuso, you damn monkey!!" Thundering foot steps accompanied a much longer string of curses that grew ever closer with each step up on the stairs. Goku sat stock still, rigid with fear as his amber eyes swept frantically about the room they were staying in. Panicking he bolted from his bed and sought to take refuge under a certain Sha Gojyo jolting the half breed from women laced dreams and porno auditions. Somewhere in the general direction of the stairs the curses grew stronger and more mundane, causing the youkai child to cower and shove Gojyo's lithe frame in front of his own.

The scarlet haired man face faulted and immediately tried to turn and face Goku, not exactly succeeding due to the tight hold Goku's hands held on his waist, "Gawd! You little fag! Stop touching me!" Panicked and pissed Gojyo flung his elbow into the child's face with a satisfying crack that echoed across the room. The perfect start to another lively day and Hakkai immediately set to work holding the rest of Gojyo back as Goku dove onto the other youkai's back, striving to gain access to the half-breeds face.

"Oh, bring it on you pervy kappa! I'll whip your ass!" More struggling to get over Hakkai's back ensued as the mild mannered youkai grinned absently, babbling soothing words that fell on deaf ears.

"Yeah, go for my ass, you little faggot! I shoulda known livin in the monastery with all them monks would turn ya queer, ya ass monkey!" Smirking, the sexy little water sprite stuck his tongue out to the other, throwing all of Hakkai's caution to the wind as Goku struggled to rip his face off.

"I'll fu-" The door flung open, denting the wall behind it. Framed in the doorway was an intimidating robed figure, harisen out and pulsating vein in overtime. Covering the distance in no time flat he kicked Goku off of Hakkai and continued to pummel the boy with this sandaled feet and lethal harisen, which resided somewhere in his robes though exact the location remained elusive. "Ow! ow ow ow owowowowowowowowow!!!!!! Sanzo! Itai! Itaaaiiiiii!"

"Damn you monkey! SHUT UP!" The room fell silent, everyone's eyes following the curl of smoke issuing from the barrel of buddha boys Smith and Wesson. Goku trembled, the smoking hole in the floor next to his ear all the encouragement he needed to keep his mouth shut. Seconds passed with no movement seeming to tick by in time with Sanzo's vein. A soft creak in the floorboards whipped amethyst eyes over to the doorway, freezing the crouched figures of Gojyo and Hakkai.

"Ehehe, well..." Hakkai turned and smiled nervously with one foot already out of the room. Monocle gleaming he made a mad dash into the hallway followed instantly by a half naked Gojyo struggling to pull his pants on as he ran. A small crash and yelping curses showed the outcome of that decision as Sanzo's eyes slid back upon Goku.

Gulping down a knot in his throat the youkai youth stared into those eyes. "Sanzo...whatever I did man.." Gurgling noises erupted as both tilted their heads to stare at the source of the noise, "Can it wait until Hakkai gets us breakfast?? I'm starving!" Golden bangs feel in front of the priests eyes, teeth clenched and harisen crumpling in his grip.

"Goku..." He snapped, unleashing a full throttle beating on his head, thoroughly crumpling his harisen and snapping the thong of his sandal, "DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shielding his head from the blows Goku struggled to evade him, falling on his face in the process. "You stupid monkey whore!! STOP EATING MY FUCKING LEFTOVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Goku face faulted, holding the expression even as the harisen whacked him again and again.

"You're going to kill me over food!? What the hell…" Not at all phased by being struck with a now limp piece of paper the youkai moved to leave and gained a backhand to the back of his head, flying forward and onto the floor again.

"IT WAS MY LEFT OVERS!!! How many times did I specifically TELL you not to eat the damn thing!!?" Reaching down he pulled the boy off the ground, violently shaking him before promptly dropping him again. "Bakasaru!" He spat the word like vile before turning on his heel and adding darkly, "You will pay…"

Confused, Goku watched the retreating form of his master. Picking himself up he shook his head slowly, "geeze…it was just food…"

--------TBC--------

**Kae-chan**: Sooooo?? Didja like? hate? Confused?? I just wanted to put up what I had done because...I am bored and it's 4am. Comment please and I'm really sorry if my writing style is disappointing, I try, y'know? Oh, and I love to write...so I guess if I suck that kind of sucks for everyone --giggles-- COMMENT PLEASE!

**Sanzo**: --mutters-- Is she high again?

**Hakkai**: Ehehe, perhaps, but who knows --shrugs and smiles absently--

**Gojyo**: --ponders-- Easy lay? Huh, ya think? --receives glares-- just askin...

**Goku**: --bouncing around-- yay! I'm in the story...and it has fooooooood! --is struck down by the harisen-- 9.9 ehhh


End file.
